Letting Go....

Early this morning as I was chatting with my weekly prayer partner, she asked me what was going on - that I "seemed" to be "out of sorts" and not my usually enthusiastic and upbeat self. As I began to inwardly ponder her question (one that had actually been visiting my thoughts for sometime now), I noted that this was a place I do not ever recall being in before. It is definitely a place of inward searching for a definition or word that describes accurately what my state of consciousness appears to be experiencing at the present moment. "Weird" is all I could come up with....not very revealing, I understand.

Upon further contemplation, I believe it has something to do with my "letting go" of the "productive" and "outward doing" of my life. This is HUGE. In May, I went to a workshop presented by Jett Psarsis and Marlena Lyons (co-authors of "Undefended Love"). This workshop was entitled, "Taking the Midlife Leap, One Step at a Time." The very first section was entitled, "Approaching the end of who we have been and the life we have been living." This is where I feel I am - and have been - for about a year.

It involves big inner questions: What did I do all my life? Did I actually live my own life? Who am I when I put all my history aside? What is the deeper reason I am doing all these things? How do I choose to live from this moment on?

One thing becomes very clear: it is not about doing "the first half of my life better!" or different. The first half is truly about doing; the second half feels more about be-ing...and therein lies the mystery. Simply be-ing is not on my resume, and I have never assigned any value to it. In fact, my upbringing discourages be-ing and rewards do-ing!

So, who am I really and what is my value if I am no longer a being doing? How do I recreate a higher sense of purpose and belonging. How do I begin to value wisdom - the wisdom of a life lived full-out most of the time? And is there anything to "do" with that wisdom?

Of one thing I am certain, it involves Letting Go of what was - truly letting go - and practicing be-ing present with what is in the experience of my next heartbeat...and then the next...and so on.

Stay tuned for the next adventurous life journey is just beginning