Family Dynamics

How old must we be before we can comfortably let go of our childhood hurts and behaviors that arise from interactions with our families? What must shift in us to be able to truly view our parents and siblings as human beings rather than powerful directors and controllers of our internal reactions? When do we begin to allow ourselves to grow up into the mature adults we think ourselves to be?

These are questions I have been contemplating today as a friend readies her inner landscape for a "possible" visit with her mother and sister, whom she has not seen for many years - and even more years in her own home. I am observing this amazingly gifted, powerful, spiritual warrier, who confidently meets with pillars of the business and religious communities all over the world, nervously await the "maybe" visit with her visiting relatives. I say maybe, for even tho they have been invited to come for dinner, they are continuing to convey non-attachment by making no commitments whatsoever! They will only be in her town for 2 days on their way to another tourist location, and she very much would like to share a litte of her life with them.

What is emerging is what appears to be a continuing and long-held resentment over a 30 year-old incident of betrayal between herself and her sister. Since then, there has been no talking about it - no processing of it together - no nothing. And it is still very much alive in my friend - and must be in her sister as well due to her insistence upon complete independence during this visit.

Years ago, in recovery, I learned that resentments can be so harmful to us, but the letting go of them requires a huge amount of willingness - willingness to really, completely let go of any victimhood that may be lingering around the edges of our hearts - and surrendering into what is at this very moment.

Right now, life is grand and joyous. Right now, my friend is at peace. Right now she is free. Right now....right now...right now is all there is!

And we all - every one of us - gets to practice, practice, practice this simple awareness every day. AND, especially with our families. Constantly remembering that right in this very moment, we are loved beyond our wildest dreams of love - we are perfect in the eyes of Spirit and are cherished children of the divine - right now and always.