Relax, Let Go....aaaahhhh

For the past couple of weeks, I have watched myself become bound by fearful thoughts. What a disappointment I feel in myself on several levels, and what discoveries I have made in the process.

The situation: My car has California plates which were due to expire in May. When I was in mainland Mexico (once I received my annual visa card), an expiration date on a vehicle did not matter; here in Baja, it does. Many people have been detained by the Federal Police and either (1) asked for payment of a fine immediately in US funds (up to $500); or (2) have the car impounded. The reason "to check if the car has been stolen".

I sent in my payment to renew my plates but could not because I do not have insurance in the US (I have Mexican insurance). I could not get US insurance without an inspection of the car, which I would then have to drive back - which I am unwilling to do.

Enter South Dakota. In SD one does not need insurance to obtain car registration or plates or even live in SD. So I obtained SD plates and had them sent to a friend's in Portland, Oregon. He then sent them UPS to me here in Los Cabos. He sent them "next day" but Mexico does not have air freight - only truck, so it was impossible to get them here from Portland in 2 days - even tho my friend paid $70 for that kind of delivery.

I became fixated on UPS and their tracking system, and in the interim stopped driving from here to Cabo (that highway has Federal jurisdiction) because I was so fearful of being detained.

After the fact, now that the plates are on my car and I can drive anywhere, I realized just how vulnerable I had become, which kicked into high gear my need to control the delivery of the new plates, etc. Let go - have faith - were all wonderful phrases, but I in the midst of my fear, very impossible for me to choose.

So, what was my fear about? Being in a foreign country with very limited use of the language, uncertainty about my rights (if any) both as a temporary visitor and foreigner, the appearance of limited funds to pay a large fine, knowing only a couple of people here, how would I get around without a car, and on and on and on. It also spoke to my history of "doing everything myself" (in other words, attempting to control everything) and having to trust the "system" while recogniziing that here in Mexico a "system" really does not exist!!

So, now, I am back to deepening my spiritual practice, primarily by longer meditation along with prayer to shift my reliance back to Spirit, which I thought was firmly in place but this experience showed me just how much more work I really have to do.

Better go take a swim and relax a little more.

You are loved in all ways,
Lynn